The Unity of Humans and Fairies
by M00nW0lf
Summary: The 6th in the series, Artemis and the gang are back. When the Matfia come back for revenge on Artemis and his family, the gang teams up again to save his family, and himself. In doing so, the People risk having their secret exposed to the world.
1. Beginnings, Contacts, and some Talk

Disclaimer: Artemis Fowl belongs to Eoin, not me. I just enjoy it.

I write short chapters normally, because I don't have the time to write long ones…deal.

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"Artemis, may I see you in the study for a moment?"

Artemis Fowl could hear the call from to his room over the intercom as he talked to Minerva and Foaly.

"Okay Father." He said into the mike that went through the whole house. He then put his hand back to his ear and said "I have to go a minute Minerva, Foaly, but I will be back."

"Okay Artemis." Minerva replied, and just as he hung up, Artemis got a call from Captain Holly Short of Section 8 herself.

"Artemis, we have to talk."

"It is very nice to hear from you Holly, but now is not the time."

"But Artemis, this is impor-" She was cut off.

A few minutes later, Artemis Fowl was in his fathers study.

"So son, you spend quite a lot of your free time up in your room. Why don't you make some friends at your school Artemis?"

Artemis groaned. They had this conversation at least three times a week.

"I have already told you father, I am busy and have no time for those immature people that have the nerve to call themselves college students, and that I am also discrased to call my classmates." Suddenly Artemis' hand began to vibrate. _Not now Holly._

"But surly …"

"Father, I will return in a moment. There is something I have to take care of." and before Fowl Sr. had the chance to object, Artemis Fowl had left the room.

†††††††††

Once he was a safe 20 feet out of earshot, Artemis Fowl put his hand to his ear.

"Holly Short you have an uncanny knack for bad timing. Now what's going on? Are the People in trouble? Do they need assistance yet again?"

"Not really Artemis, you're in danger. There is an agent from the Matfia five minutes away from your front door. You need to get yourself and your family out. We've sent Mulch to get you. Once he arrives you will have, somewhere around a minute to get down to Section 8 headquarters. Do you understand Artemis?"

"Yes Holly, but my parents finding out? What about the people? You are risking their existence. This could be the day when we, humans, and you, fairies, reunite to share the world. Are you sure you are ready for that?"

"Artemis, you think too much. Just get out… now!" and with that, Captain Short hung up.

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Well first chappie up! I know, as I said earlier, short chapters. I am glad to accept any advice from my fellow readers. With this advice, I change and edit my story. So think of yourselves as my own editing team, so to say… this is a live, interactive story.

Yeah… now that I'm out of fancy, proper-grammar-school mode, I shall paraphrase… I suck at proofing so you can help me out and give me some nice happy tips… THIS IS MY FIRST STORY SO PLEASE!!! I BEG YOU!!! DON'T FLAME!!!

A special thanks to Kelsey Estel the TollkieNarnian! (Aka: KelsE) for your awesome support and such… I hope you will review and keep up with my story! I didn't even think of half the stuff you said, since I normally post the rough draft and fix it later. THANKUTHANKUTHANKU!!!!!!


	2. The Chase is On

Disclaimer: Same as always, not mine, I just like to write it!

OMGOMGOMG!!! I actually got this up before Christmas, OH I rock!

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Artemis calmly walked down the stairs to Butler's room, so to say the new Butler's room, since the old Butler had retired. It was exactly the same as it had been before, except for the absence of the old Butler's little sister's picture. Though he was massive and dangerous looking, this new Butler was not nearly as well built or suited for dangerous jobs as the old one was, and Artemis was still trying to train him up for the kinds of things they would need to do. He drew out a knife from the back pocket of his jeans, (he was going for the "casual" look) Swiss Army no less, and strode casually up to his new bodyguard. In seconds, the hands of the new bodyguard were up in the air as cold steel was pressed against his throat.

"Master Fowl, are you trying to kill me?" he asked as the knife was carelessly pushed away. "One slip and I would be dead. I doubt that you realize this but you are going to murder someone like that someday." Artemis shook his head, the exact reaction he was hoping not to get.

"Butler, I know I could kill you, and yet you do not take me seriously. If you are going to be of any use to me, you will have to."

"You are merely a child, no immediate threat."

Artemis sighed. "Get everyone in the front hall, but first I will need a direct and secure line to your predecessor. Do not ask me why, just do it."

†††††††††

"Artemis?"

"Yes Butler. It is me, now listen, I need you to stand outside of your cottage and wait for Holly, I wish that I had the time to explain, but I don't. If you can, get Minerva and meet me at Section 8."

"Artemis, what are you planning?"

"Soon my old friend, soon."

†††††††††

Artemis arrived in the front hall to find that everyone was there, waiting for him.

"Son, what is going on?" his father asked through gritted teeth.

"I need all of you to promise me that you will do exactly as I say." As Artemis had expected, no one replied. As he was about to explain, Holly called again. Artemis put his hand to his ear and said, "Holly, you have an update?"

"Yeah Artemis, we calculated wrong, the hit-man will be there in about half a minute, Mulch will too. Lock the door and get out as fast as you can. Sorry, we don't do calculations very well without Foaly."

Artemis then remembered he had been talking to Foaly before Holly called. "Where is Foaly?"

"On break. Look, just rip up the center floorboards and wait. I can't waste any more of your time, just go."

"Wait Holly, pick up Butler would you." As he hung up, he realized everyone was starring at him.

"Ahtey doin'?" His little sister asked.

"Yes Arty sweetie, what were you just doing?" Artemis could tell that they all thought he had gone insane by the amazed expressions on their faces.

"I will explain later. Butler, help me move that couch." He pointed to the couch in the center of the room." Thankfully, Butler did as he was told without question. "Now we need these floorboards ripped up. Butler?" His new bodyguard was looking perplexed at him.

"What?"

"Help me rip up the floorboards. Thank God Mulch can get through the foundation, with that patch of clay, he won't like it but…"

"Master Fowl?"

"Oh right. One, two, three!" The boards were ripped up with a sickening crack, Artemis could tell his hands were bleeding, but his magic would take care of that, and there was no time to think twice about it. Soon there was a hole big enough for Mulch to get in, and them to get out. There was a pounding on the door now, and a sinister voice came to their ears.

"Open up Young Master Fowl, I know you are there, and I just want to play…" A single gunshot rang through the air, and Artemis' mother screamed.

"Arty, Arty, what's going on?" his mother asked.

Artemis did not answer, he remembered his magic, and ran to the door. Focusing all of his concentration, he sent a bolt of electricity through the door to the hit-man on the other side. A scream of pain told him that he had been successful.

"There, that should buy us some time." He said, before remembering that his family knew nothing of the People. Thankfully, before his family could react, Mulch appeared.

"In the name of Holly Short herself Artemis! Could your family get any bigger?" Artemis laughed. No matter how serious the problem, Mulch could always make light of it.

"Family, Mulch, Mulch, Family." Mulch smiled, and waved.

"I don't know what to say, hi, or… Top o' the mornin'"

"Mulch, just because you are officially LEP, you shouldn't advertise it, Section 8 is a dangerous sector to be in…" but even as Artemis scolded Mulch, he couldn't hide the smirk playing across his face.

"Okay, single file down the tunnel, didn't expect so many people. Hey Artemis, where's Butler?"

"Holly is getting him Mulch. He is going to meet us down at Section 8 with Minerva."

"Aww, was Arty worried about Minnie?" Mulch snickered.

"Nice to see you again Mulch."

"Nice to see you too Artemis, now let's go before I explode." Mulch said as he motioned down the hollow tunnel. "Had to make it so you guys could crawl down, didn't I?"

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Huzzah! Well, It's a bit longer than the other one, I will make the next one longer, don't worry. Remember, help me out and review.

Thanks to all the people who helped me with their tips. I truly do appreciate it. (Ehem… KelsE… again… doesn't any one else review! And by review, I don't mean "GOOD JOB… YOU ROCK! I mean actual reviewing… THANKS KELSE!)


	3. Reunions Build Some Tension

I love Christmas Break! I can actually write what I want to, and I don't mean reports. No homework, nothing, so I can write as much as I want to. So here is chapter 3.

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As Artemis plummeted down the tunnel 20 feet under the Earth's surface, he began to wonder, how he would explain this to his parents. He saw the blinding artificial lighting at the end and realizing how close he was, prepared himself. He landed feet firm on the ground and turned.

This area did not seem at all like Haven. The walls were uneven, and the LEP base to the left seemed like it had been put up by a 5 year old. Artemis heard a loud thump and looked over his shoulder, back to the hole that lead to the surface. His family had landed, none of them in a very coordinated fashion except for Butler who himself had managed to lose his balance and almost landed on the twins before catching himself.

"Hey, Mudboy!" Artemis smiled; he knew that voice almost as well as he knew his own.

"Captain" He replied. Holly smirked at him and held out her hand. Artemis took it. "So Holly, what is going on? Though I must thank you. If it weren't for you I would still be discussing with my father why I don't have a girlfriend."

"But, you do have a girlfriend."  
"Yes Holly, I am well aware of that, but think about it. Hi dad, this is my girlfriend… Where did we meet? Oh, while trying to steal an imp from a dimension separated from our world… Oh yes, of course I will tell you the whole story."

"Artemis, lying has never bothered you before, why start now."

"Well, lying to my father is not easy, have you tried it. I swear the man can read minds."

Holly smiled. "Like father like son, right?"

"Why did we come here, you have those shoots, why did we not take one of those?"

"Well Artemis, that depends. Do you enjoy the thought of being exposed to such high pressures, that your lungs fail you, and you start to release brain fluid?"

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"Sir… Master Fowl… Sir?" Artemis turned around and found himself facing his new bodyguard.

"Yes, Butler? What is it?" Butler looked intimidated, and slightly taken aback.

"I just felt that I should emphasize the…"

"Artemis, who is this buffoon. He isn't the Butler I know." Butler scowled.

"This is my new Butler." Artemis stated simply. "And speaking of him, shouldn't you be getting Butler?"

"Fiora's got it."

"Fiora?"

"Yes Arty, Foaly's _girlfriend_."

"Foaly still has a girlfriend, then? She hasn't been scared off by that helmet he wears?" Of course, Artemis was talking about the aluminum cap Foaly wore to keep his mind from being read. "She still…"

"Um, Master Fowl." Butler had managed to interrupt Artemis, mid sentence, and looked seriously distressed.

"What?" Artemis snapped. It was uncommon for a Fowl to lose his temper, but this man pushed him to his last nerve.

"There is a short man pestering your father, rambling on about some sort of people, and these people being stolen of gold, and some Opal person, and some cube."

Artemis sighed, and walked with Holly over toward his confused family and a single, rambling LEP trainee, who was somewhere in between fear, awe, and respect. A shrill, high pitched voice reached his ears, and Artemis immediately regretted hearing it.

"Is it true, that you tricked a drunken Fairy, tricked the LEPrecon, caught Opal Kobi, defeated the Russian Mafiya, and…"

"Smoter, what are you doing, and why are you hassling this man?" Artemis suppressed a chuckle. Smoter. No wonder this boy was so strange, with a name like that.

"I was just, this is, that is to say, he's, well,"

"Artemis Fowl, Senior. You want this one." Short motioned carelessly toward Artemis.

"The answer to your questions is yes. Now please, do not pester my father any more."

"Father… but, you're a… a child."

"Your point being…" Artemis chuckled. This elf reminded him of Nguyen Xuan, the man that Artemis had to thank for his knowledge and involvement with the People.

"Hey Artemis Fowl! Come to help me with another computer program, or here to save our hides? No, that's not it; I think it's the other way around this time, mudboy." Artemis knew that whinnying tone.

"Hello Foaly, how are you, and how is Fiora?"

"Ask her yourself." Foaly answered, and pointed at a young female centaur, walking along with Butler.

†††††††††

As Butler walked, he noticed a young man was standing near Artemis, looking perplexed. Butler made his way over and roughly pulled the man away, so they could talk in private.

"Domovi."

"Alfonso."

"So, old man. How is your life? Having a relaxing retirement?"

Domovi Butler gritted his teeth in frustration. His nephew was even more trouble than Artemis. It was a miracle that he had even graduated.

"Listen, Alfonso. I know that you feel all high and mighty, but pay close attention. Artemis is, high maintenance, and you can get cocky. I don't want you to get hurt. This job is going to be more trouble than you will ever have imagined. My brother did not die protecting you from that gunman when you were 5, just so you could get yourself killed."

"Look uncle. Artemis is my responsibility now, not yours. You need to let go. You got to old, Artemis needed someone younger. Deal with it." And with that, Alfonso Butler stalked away.

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Artemis heard someone yelling, and turned. As his new bodyguard stomped away from a corner, he saw an old friend.

"Domovi, good to see you. How is retirement?'

"Incredibly dull. So, I see my nephew is as arrogant as ever."

"Nephew, Butler?"

"I had a brother." Butler said defensively. Artemis did not ask for details.

"Oh. Well, I did not want a new Butler, trust me. This was all my father's idea. By the way, where is Minerva?"

"She wasn't home. Besides, do you really think she was in much danger? There is no way that the Mafiya could know about her."

"There are ways, Butler, there are always ways. Ways a man can figure out who loves who. What their enemy's weaknesses are."

"Artemis, you are as paranoid as Foaly."

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So yes chappie 3. To all of you wondering, I like the name Alfonso, and I think it serves Arty's new bodyguard well.

Thanks again to all of those who have supported me, I have fixed what was pointed out in chappie 2.

I would like to give a special thanks Kelsey… again. You rock! Thanks also to CyleFlynt for the suggestions. Thanks to everyone who helped out!

On a more serious note, I have been receiving complaints about my story being to short. To these people… DEAL. I have already stated that I have an inability to write long chappies. If you have a problem with that, don't read my stories. STOP COMPLANING!!! YOU PEOPLE ARE DRIVIN ME CRAZY!!!!!

Also, I have re read my chapters, and fixed all errors pointed out to me. If you see any more, contact me.


	4. Explinations

WOHOOOOOO!!!!!...

Yeah, chappie 4… YAY

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Artemis looked around again. The female centaur was headed toward him. She waved.

"I assume you are Artemis Fowl?"

"Correct."

"It is a pleasure to meet you. You know, for a mudbo- well, you look more like a mudman to me, either way, Foaly thinks highly of you."

"Really?" Artemis almost laughed at the thought of Foaly's face if he found out that someone had told Artemis that.

"Yes. Oh, how rude of me, my name is Fiora."

"Well, you already know my name, but to be polite, I am Artemis."

Fiora smiled, and turned. "Well then, Artemis, I assume I will see you later."

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As Artemis watched her go, he heard Holly, calling for. "All mudmen and mudboys to get over here, unless they want a blaster up their…" but she stopped at an angry, yet amused look from Domovoi Butler.

"Okay, since being burnt to a crisp is not on most peoples Top Ten Things to do Before I Die List, we, will be walking."

Artemis strode over to Holly and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Yes, Artemis?"

"I have one small question. Why can we not take the chutes, I have been on them before, and I did not spontaneously combust, or burst in to flame."

"For two reasons Artemis. One, there is not a shuttle under the Earth large enough for your family, myself, two centaurs, and a dwarf. Two, there are, no shuttles to take."

Artemis looked questioningly at Holly. "No shuttles?"

"No shuttles. The LEP, Shuttle Corp, and pretty much all of the major companies and organizations have been bought out by, well, I doubt you will believe it.."

"Who, Holly?"

"Well, it seems that a certain mudman has a fairy associate, though we still don't know who he is."

"Holly…"

Holly sighed, "Well, Artemis, you will remember him. He went mad a couple of years ago, and was mesmered by a fairy, that fairy used the gold to buy all the major corporations."

"Holly," Artemis began, though he knew the answer, "who is the man?"

"Jon Spiro."

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Well, I know it is short, but I just didn't feel like writing a long chapter today. Trust me, the next one will be a lot longer. This is more of the in-betweeney chapter that sets another initial conflict. (YAY Mutliple Plotlines!!!) Also, I wanted to do a bit with Foaly's girlfriend, thus the first paragraph. I don't know if she's going to be that important later on though. It just depends on how the story goes.


	5. Arguments and Disbelievers

Yeah… Like I said before, that last chapter, the one paragraph was just kind of there… ONWARD TO CHAPPIE 5!!!

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_Jon, Jon Spiro. _Artemis thought. _I'm not surprised. I knew I'd meet him again, though I did not think that there would be a fairy involved._ Artemis smirked. _Then again, when is there not._

"Artemis… Artemis? Hey, Earth to Mudboy!" Artemis felt a small fist collide playfully with this right cheekbone. "Oi! Fowl, are you just going to stand there or what?"

Artemis smiled. "Hello Doodah, how is life on the right side of the law. That's two convicts that have turned LEPrecon? Soon I will have met enough to make an entire squadron, the way this is going."

"Yeah yeah." Doodah looked over Artemis' shoulder. "Oi! Who's the big man next to Dommi? The one that looks like he's gonna kill someone." Artemis knew without even turning.

"That would be, eh, my new Butler." Artemis smirked, and said sarcastically, "Oh yes, he is going to be of great use to me. You know, he seems to think I am not, oh, how did he put it, an _immediate _threat."

Many things happened at that precise moment. Doodah, simply stared at Artemis, and forgot about hovering. His wings stopped, and he fell to the ground. Holly, who was walking backwards talking with Mulch, tripped over him. The dwarf reached out to grab her hand, and also tripped over the dazed ex-fish smuggler. They caused such a loud clamor that Foaly, who had excellent hearing jumped, and knocked over Fiora, Whom in turn fell into Alfonso Butler. All of this occurred in a span of about 4 or 5 seconds. The only people left standing, were Artemis and Domovoi.

Artemis' usual stiff demeanor cracked, and he burst out laughing. Though he was better trained, Domovoi couldn't disguise a snort. Holly glared.

"Here, Holly." Artemis reached out a hand for her to grasp, and she stood, brushing soil off of her Shimmer Suit 2.0. (Foaly's newest design) Butler helped right the fallen centaurs, who were having a hard time standing back up. Mulch had gotten a face-full of rock, and was not happy. Doodah however, was laughing his head off. Holly gave him a questioning look.

"It's just, ahh, Artemis Fowl, not a threat, my my, times must be changing."

†††††††††

After the chaos had subsided, and the group had reached Haven, Artemis realized just how bad the situation was.

Haven was a mess. Half of the shops were closed, and the only people that were out and about were mothers getting the groceries. Not a tourist in sight.

"That bad huh?"

"Artemis, this is serious. Now, I don't want you to laugh, but this is just too well timed. You being attacked at the same time our market is bought out by some mesmered, insane, power hungry mudman. It's just not right."

"I was thinking the same thing. Luck is for those with a prepared mind, though I would hardly call this luck." Holly muttered, something, but it wasn't clear what. "I assume that Jon must have more than one fairy working with him, because if he did not his house would have been swarmed and he would have been mindwiped."

"Nothing gets by you Artemis." Holly said sarcastically.

"I know."

†††††††††

Ever since the day that he and Butler had stayed in a room at the LEPrecon Headquarters, Artemis had decided that he was going to have someone build him a house there. (In the upper class of Haven of course) The flat was modeled after his own home, except his bedroom was much more lavishly furnished.

It felt so good to be back in Haven, in his apartment, with all of his friends nearby. He reclined back on his bed and sighed, he missed this life, his real life. Not the one he lived up on the surface. The room slowly began to fade, and Artemis was enveloped by a blanket of darkness and warmth.

"Artemis… Artemis… Artemis wake up." And it was gone.

"What, Holly?" Artemis sat up and glared at his friend. Holly averted her eyes.

"Well, we've tried to explain what happened to your parents, but they won't believe us."

"Butler tried that years ago Holly, they didn't believe him either, and they have known him as long as I have. Why would they believe you?"

"Well, I had to try. I think that they will only believe you Artemis."

"I know, but what do I say? That I have been secretly partaking in illegal exploits until most recently, when I switched to the right side of the law? Now I work to capture criminals from a race that isn't even supposed to exist?"

"I don't know Artemis, you're the genius. You figure it out." and with that final note, Holly left Artemis to mull over his thoughts.

†††††††††

"Mother. Father. Butler." Artemis acknowledged as he walked into his living room. Even at a time like this, he couldn't help but marvel at how large the upper class apartments were.

"Oh! Artemis honey! Are you alright? Did they hurt you? Oh honey…"

"Mother, please. If you crack my ribs you will have only have succeeded in wasting precious magic." Angeline stared.

"Wha—"

And so Artemis explained everything. From kidnapping Holly to saving his father. His defeat of Opal Kobi, and his capture and return of the "Fairy Thief." His experience with the demons, and how he obtained his magic. Every last detail was said, every one of his secrets exposed. His father stood.

"You've brain-washed my son! I know people and they will destroy you! Let us go son…"

"Father, shut up!" All went silent. Artemis' father turned and starred.

"What did you just say?"

"Father, listen. What benefit would I obtain from lying to you about this?" Artemis' father bent his head and massaged his temples.

"I know what you want father. You want proof, do you not?" Artemis looked over to Holly. "Holly, give me your Neutronio." Holly reached to her belt slowly and removed her weapon. She looked at it for a few moments, and then at Artemis. She smiled, and tossed it over. Artemis fiddled with the dial before placing the gun to his forearm. He pulled the trigger.

Angeline screamed. His father gasped, and Butler nearly fainted. Domovi smirked and patted his nephew on the shoulder. His face distinctly read, _I told you_.

"Look." muttered Domovi. Angeline looked up. Blue sparks flew over Artemis' arm, and soon the burn had completely disappeared. Everyone went quiet. Artemis muttered under his breath, and repaired the hole in his shirt.

"You see, I am not a liar, and I am not insane."

Holly snorted. "Artemis, insane? You're one of smartest people in the world. Hell Artemis, it's thanks to you that we even have half of the technology we do. Remember the C Cube?"

"Sadly, yes I do. Speaking of the C Cube, I am guessing Spiro has conditions, and that the C Cube is one of them."

"Yep."

"Wonderful."

"Spiro's conditions? What do you mean Spiro's conditions?"

"Spiro has taken over the city Father. He has bought out the economy. Spiro was mesmered, that is to say, brain-washed by an unknown fairy. We also have reason to believe that the same fairy is responsible for the attack on Fowl Manor."

"Spiro is attacking us? Why?"

"I explained it to you, you didn't believe me."

"You shot yourself in the arm!"

"Yes and the burn is gone. Or do I need to shoot myself again before you understand?"

"Artemis!"

A shot rang through the air. Holly was glaring. "I love my Neutronio and all, but sometimes a good pistol shot is all one needs to get attention. Now all of you shut it." Artemis smirked. "Thank you Holly, we really needed our eardrums to bleed."

"Welcome. Okay mudmen and half-mudboy, listen up. Artemis is half fairy, deal with it. He kidnapped me, and then saved me. I cured you," she pointed at Angeline. "And helped save you." Holly turned to Artemis Sr. "Artemis made Spiro snap and helped capture Kobi. It's thanks to him that we have any knowledge of demons and warlocks that we know is accurate."

"Artemis, is that true?"

"Yes! I told you! Domovoi told you! How many times do we have to tell you?"

Everyone stared. Artemis was fuming. Domovoi and Holly were in shock. Artemis Fowl II had lost it. Artemis had never lost his temper, not since he was five anyway. And that had been because his second grade math teacher (advanced placement) had accused him of having his father do his math homework.

"Artemis…"

"What?" Artemis snapped. Holly blinked.

"Well, Artemis, I think its time we all went to bed now… We can talk more about this in the morning."

†††††††††

_Knock… Knock… Knock…_

Holly opened the door to Artemis' bedroom tentatively. "Artemis?" No response. She peeked in. Artemis was sitting on his bed with his legs crossed and his eyes closed. A rhythmic breathing could be easily heard as he sat. His hair was disheveled; it didn't look like he had cleaned up after Artemis and his parents' fight. "Artemis?"

"Yes Holly?"

"Are you okay… you know… downstairs?"

"I'm sorry Holly; I don't know what came into my mind to make me lose it like I did. My parents can just be so…"

"I know. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. They believe us now."

"Do they really?"

"Yeah, we showed them the tape you used to regain your memory. How can they argue with that?"

"Well I guess they can't."

"Exactly. Now do you want some food or what?"

"Food, Holly?"

"Yeah. I don't normally approve of things like this, but Doodah got us some of the finest Atlantiean fish you can find."

"Well then, shall we go? I am getting a bit hungry."

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Well, so yeah. This is possibly one of the most awkwardly written chapters I have ever done. Oh well. If anyone has suggestions to make this less awkward, please tell me! Also I welcome Constructive Criticisms!


	6. We're Back

Okay. This is chapter 6. Now I want to answer a few questions that I received in private messages and reviews, and reply to some comments.

If you remember, Artemis was in Limbo for three years, so at the end of the fifth book he was 17 but physically 14. I am making him 18 because I always pictured Artemis having a summer birthday.

I know that I have a tendency to go comma happy and I am sorry. That should be fixed a little bit since I now know the beauty of the subordinate clause.

Artemis has not been talking like he normally does for two reasons. In the beginning of chapter one he did to his dad. In the rest of the story he hasn't because (as someone pointed out) he is near Holly or some other Fairy friend so he acts more… human.

You guys have really been helping with the rough draft thing. Thanks!

I am doing another story and yes… it is a crossover. AF/HP. I need help with that one badly. To say good job doesn't help my writing. Sorry but I need more feedback than that. If anyone could help me with it… thanks.

One more thing. Writing things like PIE of the review posts is spam and benefits no one in particular. All it does is (pardon the French) piss other people off. Oh and it makes you look mentally retarded (No offence to the mentally ill, trust me. If that comment offends anyone, I am sorry)

Onto the story!!!

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Artemis walked down the hall and into the dining room. Doodah Day was passing out fish and lobster.

"Ugh, fish." Mulch said, not bothering to hide the distaste. "What about some good old grubs? Eh?"

Artemis smiled at the dwarf. "Outside and around back there is a garden. It cost a fortune to make because I needed the UV rays and soil. I bought the best. Nutrient rich. You can fill your appetite there but please, don't ruin the hydrangeas."

"Thanks Halfling."

"Halflings are creatures from "Lord of the Rings" Mulch. I am terribly sorry to disappoint, but I am not a hobbit."

"Show off." Holly snorted.

Artemis sat next to Holly and Doodah. Alfonso stood behind him, Domovi sat next to Holly. Angeline and the twins were next to Doodah. Artemis Sr. was across from Artimis at the other end of the table.

"Artemis."

"Father, Mother."

Angeline sighed. "This is very strange Arty. Did you expect us to believe you? Really," she chuckled, "fairies."

Artemis simply nodded and turned his attention to the door, which had opened, and closed. It seemed that no one had come in, and Artemis was the only one to notice. Out of nowhere, a bullet appeared just to the right of Artemis' ear. Domovi rose and pulled out a very large, very dangerous looking gun. Holly closed her human eye. Artemis followed suit. Since they had swapped eyes on the journey from Limbo, Holly had lost her ability to register shielded fairies without closing one eye. The same went for Artemis. Now that they were both peering through Fairy eyes they could see the sniper fairy in the doorway. The fairy meeped and fled, but it didn't get far. Artemis and Holly had run after it only to find the fairy unconscious next to a very confused Mulch.

"What in the name of-" Artemis cut him off and knelt next to the fairy. It was beginning to stir.

"Wake up little fairy." He said in Gnomish.

"Gnuhh… wha… GAH! Mudman!" He turned get up and run, but Holly pinned him down.

"No you don't." She hissed pulling out her gun. "Now, who do you work with?" The fairy didn't answer.

"For one thing Holly, the correct phrasing of that sentence would be 'For whom do you work?' Anyway, asking him will prove futile. He is not going to answer."

"Why's that Fowl? Come on and tell me. How do you know?"

"Look at his eyes."

Holly did. They were a bright blue with brown flecks. "Yeah, what about 'em?"

"Look closer."

Then Holly saw it. The pupil was blurred against the iris, and the eye was slightly clouded over. "D'arvit!" She swore. "A mesmer!" She sat back onto her heels. "This is bad. A fairy that doesn't follow The Book is a hostile fairy."

"What's going on?" They turned. Domovi was running over. "Are you alright Artemis?"

"Out of the way!" Someone else was fighting to get to Artemis. It was his _new_ bodyguard. "Are you alright, Master Fowl?"

"Yes I am perfectly fine Alfonso, now do not interrupt me."

"How do you know my-"

"Your name?" Artemis finished. "Well for one thing I can find out anything with a Mac and a keyboard. For another, keeping a wallet with your name inside lying open on your dresser is not intelligent. That and you do not have any assumed identities under your belt or you would have used them when we checked in at hotels." Alfonso blushed. "Now." Artemis continued. "Who do we know that is hostile and will do anything for power?"

"You?" Holly said, smirking.

"Besides myself or anyone in my personnel."

Mulch raised his hand. "Uhh, well there is Koboi."

"We do scans on Opal's cell every hour. She hasn't gone clone or coma on us yet."

"So that eliminates Opal."

"Spiro?" Doodah suggested.

"He can't mesmer people idiot." Mulch snapped.

Holly pulled a communicator out of her back pocket. "Foaly, are you on shift?"

"Yep, whatta you need me for?"

We need an iris, memory, and sound pattern scan."

"That all?"

"Yep, but you'll be lucky to get anything. If we're right, we are dealing with a hostile and highly intelligent fairy."

"You act like it's the first time Captain." Foaly hung up.

"Artemis." Domovi started. "I thought we were retired from saving the world."

"Really Butler, when was the last time things went according to plan?"

"Good point."

†††††††††

I know it is short and that I haven't updated in FOREVER but really, school has been Hell and you guys have no idea how busy I have been. So puhleese don't flame…

Also, I am suffering brain-blockage, so if anyone has any ideas, contact me!

Oh yeah, I am doing a Fanfiction awards thing that awards good writing and so far no one has entered. I know lots of people have been saying that needs an award system, so I made one… but it's hard to do if I have no contestants. The stories can be from any genre and can be any length as long as it is more than two paragraphs. They must be posted on Fanfiction. Go to my Profile, then to my sub-account for info. Thanks!


	7. Deal and Schemes

Oh My God I haven't updated in forever!!! GAEHHWAAAAAAA… Yes so anyway… onward!

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"Excuse me." Artemis said for the fifth time that day. The downtown streets of Haven were just as bad as New York City. The only difference was that everyone walking these streets was shorter than him instead of taller. Also, the elves were less well dressed than New Yorkers. The whole city was in contrast to when Artemis had first arrived. The streets were packed with beggars who needed someone to blame for the current state of Haven. His face wasn't unknown either, so he had been bumped into and shoved by many fairies that had yet to forgive him for taking their gold. However, people bumping into him were not the least of his problems. The elf named Smoter had been assigned to him as a bodyguard. Not because he needed the protection, but because Section 8 wanted him out of the building.

"Fowl, are you sure about this?" Smoter asked.

"Yes Smoter, I am positive."

"But-" Smoter started. He stopped speaking, however, when Artemis threw up his hand.

"Somter, do you want me to hurt you?" Smoter made a noise in his throat. "Because if you continue talking I will be forced to take violent measures." The small elf closed his mouth. Normally Artemis didn't pass out death threats, but this elf was so nervous that he knew that he would not need to carry it out to make him shut up.

Artemis and Smoter were standing outside building whose sign read _Haven Mental Institute. _The two entered the plain white building. They found themselves in a small, cramped entrance hall with a door to the left. Directly in front of them sat a bored looking pixie with bright violet hair. She was loudly chewing a piece of gum and holding a magazine whose title read, "Artemis Fowl and the C Cube, has he hurt us or helped us? Top psychologists explain." Artemis tapped the table impatiently.

"Yes?" Asked the pixie. She didn't look up from her magazine.

"Excuse me for interrupting," He glanced at her nametag, "Janice, but I wish to visit someone."

"Doesn't everyone?" She replied as she leaned back in her chair and picked up another magazine, throwing the one with Artemis' face on the cover saide. "Who do ya wanna see?"

"Koboi." Artemis answered pleasantly.

The small fairy took a few moments to process this piece of information before sighing and saying, "No one is allowed in her ward. She is currently unstable and prone to violence. Don't know what all of you fan-boy goblins wanna see her for but-"

Artemis simply smiled and said' "I believe that I am an exception to the rule." He pulled out a Sector 8 badge. "I am not a fan-boy goblin, I am with the government."

The pixie looked up. Her mouth stopped chewing and hung open, gaping. She stood up so fast that she lost her balance and fell out of her chair.

"You're… you… him!" She pointed at the magazine cover on her desk. "The Halfling!"

Artemis sighed. "Halflings are from a Mudman story called Lord of the Rings. Seeing as the story is based off a medieval eleven culture, I cannot understand is how none of the People know this." The pixie stared at him blankly. "Never mind. I need to see Koboi."

"Why?" She asked.

"Government business." Artemis replied. "Though my, erm… colleague here is not yet certified. Is there a waiting room that he can use?"

"Hey!" The elf complained. "I'll be legit in a month! And plus I was assigned as your guard. I can't legall-Oi, get that away from me." Smoter squeaked in fear, for Artemis had removed his knife from the inside of his blazer and placed it between the small annoyance's eyeballs. "Okay, okay! D'arvit I'll leave you alone just, just get that thing away from me!" Smoter made quite a show trying to swat away the knife, and cut himself. "Ouch!" he yelped.

Artemis re-pocketed the knife and smiled. He smoothed his blazer and sighed. "I actually kind of miss jeans." He stated. "These suits get wrinkled so easily." He turned back to Janice. "Well then, shall we go?"

†††††††††

Artemis entered the room with Koboi's name upon the door. He nodded to the pixie and closed the door.

"Fowl?" said two voices. Artemis spun around. Koboi was sitting in a white chair, wearing a straight jacket, and glaring daggers. The other voice had obviously come from the centaur currently examining her. Artemis smiled at the centaur happily.

"Hello Fiora," he paused and glanced at the unfriendly fairy sitting next to the centaur. "Koboi."

"What do you want Fowl?" Koboi asked. "Here to mock me?"

"No, I actually came to ask you a question." Artemis replied curtley.

Artemis turned to Fiora and smiled sweetly. "Fiora, if you would mind waiting outside. Normally there wouldn't be a problem, but this is Sector 8 business."

Fiora blinked. "And leave you with a cold-blooded pixie?"

"Yes," Artemis replied, "If you wouldn't mind."

Fiora frowned. It wasn't a request, no matter what the wording, it was an order. She raised her eyebrows, gave Koboi a look that said, _don't__ try anything funny,_ and replied. "There are cameras, Koboi."

Koboi sneered. "Because I am capable of much in this." She attempted to gesture at the straight jacket with her head.

Fiora gave Koboi one final, scornful look, and left the room. Artemis turned to face Koboi, opened his mouth, then closed it again and looked around the room. Koboi had filled it with pictures of herself and handmade get-out-soon cards signed by goblins. "Fan-mail?" He asked innocently.

"Shut up mudboy!"

"And look at this, this one has a little heart on it." Artemis clicked his tounge. Next to the letter, there was a small, badly sealed brown box sitting next to a picture of a particularly ugly goblin with a note sticking out of the corner. "We haven't kept in touch, why did you not tell us you had a boyfriend?" He bent down to examine her face. It was pale, but her ears were bright red.

Opal said nothing for a few moments. Then she muttered, "Shut up…"

Artemis smiled and tilted his head so that he could look into her eyes. _Where are the cameras?_

Koboi jumped. "Wha-?"

Artemis continued smiling. _I am half-and-half now. __Half fairy.__ I am currently transferring thoughts into your brain. Only think the answer, do not reply aloud. Where are the security cameras?_

Opal Koboi looked frightened, but obeyed. _Top right and left corners to the front and back of the room, bottom left and right in the back and front, for ceiling and floor __visability__ and one hidden in that picture on the dresser. There is also a camera installed into the headboard to cover the __blindspots_

Artemis nodded and looked directly at each spot in turn, mumbling chants under his breath and destroying the cameras one by one. He then turned to Koboi. "Any others?" She shook her head. "Good, very good." Artemis muttered again and her straight jacket vanished.

"What the-?"

"Trust Koboi. This is so you trust me. Now, in this hospital there are retina scans, correct?"

"Yeah," Koboi replied sternly, "Why?"

"I have a proposition that I think you may like."

Koboi immediately brightened. "I'm listening."

†††††††††

When Artemis left Koboi's room, Smoter insisted on a full check for his sanity and well being. Finally, Fiora told him to stop and stated that, if he had been injured, they would have seen it on the security system. As they were leaving, however, Fiora pulled him aside. "Are you okay?"

"Yes Fiora, I am fine. However, I believe I should be asking the questions." When Fiora looked confused, however, Artemis said, in a low whisper, "Why did you cover for me with the cameras?"

She smiled. "I have my reasons." Before Artemis could ask he anything more, she said. "Well, I'm off to Sector 8. Have to get his present first, where did I leave it? About, yea big, seen it?" She gestured with her hands to show the size. Artemis shook his head. "Ah well, it must be around here somewhere. Must pick up Foaly you know." She waved, but before she could leave, Artemis had grabbed her arm.

"Fiora, there is something that I have been meaning to ask you. I know that this is none of my business, but how did you meet Foaly? What happened to his old girlfriend."

"Well, after the incident with the imps and demons, he became very… well known. Apparently, his old girlfriend couldn't take the pressure. Left him with nothing but a note. Met him here while I was on duty." She winked. "He looked so lost. He was trying to find Koboi, you know, to mock her or something. I asked him out, and he said yes. Speaking of going out, I really should hurry. See you around Artemis Fowl."

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Yes I am aware that this is a short chapter… Sorry!!!


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